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The Power Of The Present Tense

An Observation About The Power Of The Present Tense

A quick observation.  I was recently doing some of my usual affirmations about the things I want to accomplish in life.  Yes, I do affirmations.  I used to think it was hokey, but I’ve realized they are quite powerful if done correctly.  They just have to be done consistently over time for the subconscious mind to truly accept them.  Anyway, I became aware of the power of the present tense.  If I switched the affirmations from future tense to present tense it changed the way they feel in an interesting way.  Not sure why this hadn’t occurred to me before, but it suddenly dawned on me.

This switch requires a small leap of faith in the case of goals not yet realized, and potentially enduring some cognitive dissonance.  But it also makes the affirmations feel more powerful.

There is something profound about switching from I WILL to I DO.  

What was previously a sense of hope gets replaced by a sense of assurance.

Our conscious minds know when something hasn’t yet occurred, but in order for something to occur we have to believe in it.  And by stating something as unequivocally true, as if it’s already happened, it feels as though it entrenches the belief more deeply.

It no longer feels like something out of reach, but something that is already a reality.  Even if the brain and ego want to constantly send reminders that this isn’t the case.  Just repeat it enough and the mind will start to absorb it.

As Muhammad Ali stated once, “I am the greatest.  I said that before I even knew I was.”  Apparently it worked.

The power of the present tense

Convince The Mind Of The Present Tense Through Action

A lot of affirmations include a combination of actions to be taken now, and potential future results from those actions.

For instance, one of my affirmations is that I produce online content and products so I can have freedom and flexibility in my life, while helping others and becoming financially independent.

The freedom, flexibility, and financial aspects of this affirmation haven’t yet fully manifested.  I know I’ve already helped a few people, but producing online content and products are items I can accomplish at will.  Those are just a matter of doing the work.

The reality is that I’ve already been writing a blog for a year now, and I sell an ebook online.  I’ve even made a few bucks off of the ebook.  And that opened my eyes to that fact that money can actually be made online.  This realization gives my affirmations more power.

So by taking action, I can truthfully state part of my affirmation in the present tense.  I DO produce online content and products.  And as a result the whole affirmation becomes present tense.

This is a good example of the power of focusing on the things directly in our control.  Ideas start to become reality as soon as we take action on the items we can.

So if you have ideas that make you excited and passionate, start by taking action.  And as you continue down the path, try thinking of your goals in a way that uses the power of the present tense.  I think you’ll find it makes a big difference in your mindset as you go after what you want.

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Just Commit To 15 Minutes A Day For Big Results

Small Commitments For Big Results

As a follow up to my recent post on imitating and then innovating, I wanted to share another trick I came up with for developing new skills and knowledge, as well as staying productive and consistent in any pursuit.

For anyone who has mastered a skill such as playing an instrument or writing (among many other endeavors such as developing physical strength or learning a martial art), they know that it’s always a marathon and not a sprint to achieve results.  It takes years, not weeks or months.

It’s common for people to want to get results and become great at something overnight.  But it doesn’t work that way.

It takes diligence, repetition, and commitment over the long term.  But the commitment doesn’t have to be eighteen hours a day, every day.  Consistency often goes further than Herculean efforts.

So lately when I’ve been writing, I’ve simply been committing to fifteen minutes a day.  I can always fit that in no matter what.  And it’s minimal enough that it’s a very easy commitment to stick to.

This is important because setting unrealistic goals is one of the biggest reasons people quit a pursuit.  They make a decision to bite off more than they can chew and quickly get burned out.  They aren’t patient enough to let small incremental results build up over time.

Some Days Are More Productive Than Others

The reality with creative pursuits, acquiring new knowledge, strength training, etc., is that human beings aren’t always “on”.  It’s unrealistic to expect oneself to be 100% every day.  Some days ideas and words flow, some days they don’t.  Some days a musician’s playing is effortless and flawless, some days they miss more notes than usual and feel frustrated.  Today a certain weight might feel easy to lift, while tomorrow it feels twice as heavy.  There will also naturally be some days when a person just doesn’t feel like doing anything in general.

All that said, it’s still important to remain diligent and practice/train/study regularly to stay on an upward trajectory.  At the same time it’s important to maintain enthusiasm.  So it’s not advisable to plow ahead endlessly when things aren’t clicking.

On the days when it’s evident that I’m not going to make huge strides forward, it’s still beneficial to do a little work.  And it doesn’t take very much to keep the wheels greased so to speak.

By doing at least a little bit every day, I avoid slipping into a rut where a couple of weeks pass by, I haven’t done anything, and I’m super rusty when I get back to it.

I only ever insist that I put in fifteen minutes.  I can knock that out while eating breakfast.  But if I’m feeling great, having fun, and ideas are coming to me easily, fifteen minutes can easily turn into several hours or even most of a day.  The small commitment is all that’s necessary to find out if I’m ready to put in a larger effort that day.

Even if I only put in a quarter hour I still got something done.  A little bit every day adds up.  Fifteen minutes a day becomes over ninety hours in a year.  That isn’t a huge amount of work overall, but it’s far from nothing.  And as mentioned previously it maintains overall momentum.  Add in the numerous longer and more productive days when things are going well and the time and effort really adds up.

Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day

When picking up a new pursuit, keep in mind that it takes time.  Some days will be better and more productive than others.  It’s literally impossible to become Jimi Hendrix overnight.  It takes many years.  So on days when something feels like a struggle, just do a little work and stop.  You’ll avoid frustration, be more likely to stick with it, and numerous small efforts turn into big results over time.

 

 

 

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Imitate And Then Innovate

A Great Way To Begin Learning A Craft

I haven’t been writing blog posts for very long.  I just felt that I had some things to say and share.  And with the internet, I figured I might as well write publicly in a blog format and perhaps help somebody else along the way.  But I don’t consider myself a fabulous writer.  I’m just figuring this out.  However I plan to dial the craft and get very good.

On the flip side, I’ve been playing the guitar for twenty three years.  In that time I’ve developed my own style and mastery.  My own voice.  My own tone.  I’ve even built my own amplifiers and tools of the trade.

These days I can just pick up the instrument and play.  And what comes out is authentically me and sounds great.

But I wasn’t always able to do this.  In fact, it took a long time to get to that point.  And I’m still developing.

When I first started, instead of playing what was in my head I played other peoples’ songs that I loved to listen to.  I wanted to play like Jimi Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Mark Knopfler, Eric Clapton, John Frusciante, David Gilmour, and many others.  So I learned their songs.  I learned popular songs from rock bands of my era like Pearl Jam, The Black Crowes, and Stone Temple Pilots.  And classic rock songs by Led Zeppelin, The Allman Brothers, etc.

For several years I learned songs.  Both the chords and the solos.  And I’d play them over and over and over with the albums as my backing tracks.  Until it sounded just like I was playing on the album.

I also learned the pentatonic scale patterns and practiced them until they were locked in my brain and the muscle memory of my fingers.  And I started practicing them over songs on the radio.  It was a great lesson in learning to find the key of a song and then playing over the chord changes by ear.

I digress, but after countless hours of locking myself in my room and playing other peoples’ songs and learning scales, my hands could pull off some pretty impressive feats of guitar playing.  I got to a point where I could unequivocally state that I was a guitar player.

My First Band

I then realized it was time to join a band.  This was the 90’s and craigslist wasn’t a thing yet.  So I wrote up a handmade wanted ad for musicians, made a couple dozen copies, and stapled them on telephone poles all over West Philly.

I got several responses and started going to some jam sessions to see if I might find some good players.

I finally hooked up with a rag tag crew of odd balls, and we jammed in the drummer’s apartment on the third floor of a row house.  Unbelievably, we meshed instantly and made up a fifteen minute improvised funk-based jam right on the spot.  It was really kind of magical and I ended up playing in a band with those guys for a few years.  But that’s a whole other post.

The main thing I realized after that jam session was that I was able to pull ideas from things I learned playing other peoples’ songs and piece them together into something that was my own.  A little of this, a little of that.  And then a few pentatonic licks to spice things up.

As the band started playing together more, we started writing original songs.  Someone would bring an idea from home and we’d work with it until it took form.

Whether I was bringing in an idea I wrote, or creating a part to accompany something somebody else wrote, I continued to see how other guitarists had influenced my now developing personal style.  Both from the standpoint of writing rhythm guitar parts and improvised solos.

And that was close to twenty years ago.  My style has naturally developed even further in the meantime, playing in other bands and practicing at home.  Not only has my style developed with regards to musical notes on paper, but more nuanced aspects of my playing have evolved.  For instance, everyone develops their own touch on the strings and this has a huge impact on one’s sound.

My Approach Now

These days I basically never play other people’s songs when I’m practicing.  And when I pick up the guitar for the sake of playing the guitar I truly just play whatever comes to mind.  I’ve found my voice.  And I hardly remember how to play most of those songs I learned decades ago.  But that doesn’t mean they’re fully lost.  They’re part of the gumbo of influences that has become my guitar playing.

I first imitated my guitar heroes, and after that phase of my learning had run its course I was then able to start innovating.

Back To Writing

So I’m now learning a new craft.  Writing blogs.  I’ve written lots of papers for school, emails, etc.  It’s not as if I haven’t communicated via written word countless times.

But the blog is an art form all its own.  So I’ll have to develop my style.

So far I’ve simply focused on sharing information, or getting something off my chest.  But each time I post an article it gets a little easier to write in a way that feels fluid.  It may not come across that way to a reader, but at least it feels that way when I’m writing.

And I’m working on the unique form and cadence a blog can take on.

So I’ve been reading blogs I really like and paying attention to the things I like about them.  The layout, the organization, the attitude, etc.  And then I try to use some of those things in my own posts as I write about topics that come to mind.  I also take note of things I don’t like about some other blogs so I know what to avoid.  It’s a bit like realizing I want to learn Hendrix and not Nickelback, and then focusing on playing Hendrix songs and avoiding Nickelback altogether.

It would be inaccurate to say I’m imitating other blogs in exactly the same way I imitated other guitar players.  When it comes to writing that’s called plagiarism.  But I’m definitely looking for influences.  And who knows, maybe it would be an interesting exercise to re-write someone else’s post word for word just to get a bit deeper into their style (and not post it obviously)?

I hope to get to the next level soon where my writing style really starts to develop.  Where a multitude of influences turn into something new and different.  And as with a guitarist’s touch on the strings, someone who writes regularly probably starts to sense the way the sounds of words flow together and other nuanced aspects of their art.  But at first it’s always helpful to look to those with experience in a certain craft.

One thing I know for sure from the guitar is that it simply takes time.  And if I don’t give up I’m sure to succeed.

So you can bet I won’t ever give up.

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Focus On The Things Within Your Control

Some Things Are Entirely In Our Control, Some Aren’t

Life has been reminding me lately that certain things are in our control, and others aren’t.  Every success, whether personal or business, is generally a combination of opportunity presenting itself and being prepared to seize the opportunity when it arrives.  This is why it’s really important to stay ready and focus on the things within your control.

We often can’t force the right opportunities and encounters to show up in our lives.  We can increase the odds through our actions and our thoughts, but the reality is that certain things won’t happen right when we want them to happen.

Yet we can make daily conscious decisions to take specific actions that keep us prepared for anything life offers up.  Everything from working on our mindset, to diet, and even the way we breathe will contribute to success in some way.  These are just a few of a long list of items that are always within our conscious control.

So that is where one’s focus should lie.  Doing everything to be ready for the things that aren’t entirely in our control, while always being alert and ready for the unexpected.

And when life dishes out hard times, these same decisions and actions can be a source of strength.  Tragedy and loss can’t be reversed, but just because life feels out of control doesn’t mean we can’t build ourselves up anyway.  The things we can control directly will help when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other after we get knocked sideways.  They are a target to aim at daily so we don’t lose our way.  And they ensure one comes out the other side strong and healthy instead of turning to destructive ways of coping with physical or emotional pain.

Patience Is The Foundation

First and foremost, aim to cultivate patience.  We can set our intentions for what we’d like in our lives, but it’s very powerful to develop a deep sense of patience while we live without the things we’d like to accomplish or attain.  Letting go of outcomes if very powerful.  This isn’t the same as complacence.  It means enjoying the daily work and the journey without expectation.  With this approach, frustration is less likely to creep in.  And this is important because getting to the finish line is often just a matter of staying the course.

It is when we feel and experience a deep sense of lack, or being without, that negative feelings like doubt and jealousy creep in and derail us.  Patience is the antidote.  To be able to simply be okay without the things we’d prefer to have.  Seems pretty obvious, right?  Well it’s easier said than done, and very easy to lose sight of.  So this is a reminder to myself as much as anything.

And it’s the foundation for redirecting focus to the things we can influence directly every day.

The Things We Can Control

Once a sense of patience has been accomplished, focus can shift to the things we are able to control directly.  The things that prepare us for opportunities that surface.  Here are a few to keep in mind.

Mindset

Mindset certainly encompasses patience, but there is more to it than that.  It means having the strength to turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts.  The term for this is re-framing.  Re-framing is a very powerful skill.

Any situation can be seen in far more ways than one.  Failure and criticism can be seen in a negative light.  As some indication that we aren’t capable.  On the other hand, they can be seen as a kick in the ass to grow and discover the things we can work on to become more capable and skilled.  Aim to turn every situation positive in the mind, no matter what.  Even life’s hardest moments have a bright side.  This will result in a fundamental shift that promotes forward motion and improvement.  Some might think it’s a bad idea to be overly optimistic because it can lead to disappointment.  I call bullshit.  An optimistic mindset combined with patience is powerful.

One technique I learned from reading Eckhart Tolle is to watch our own thoughts as if from a third party point of view.  Don’t judge negative thoughts.  Just detach from them and see them for what they are.  See that they are learned patterns.  See that they aren’t necessarily reality.  And in time any tendency to generate negative, self defeating thoughts will slowly start to fade away.

Breathing

Human beings are meant to breathe deeply, slowly, and steadily.  But constant distraction and stress can result in breath that is shallow and quick.  It is far easier to become anxious, irritable, and distracted when breathing patterns are incorrect.

There are many schools of breathing practice, but I’ve found two things to focus on that have made all the difference for me and keep things simple and easy to stick with.

First, breathe through the nose only.  Mouth breathing is for slobs.  Quiet nose breathing results in a nice slow breathing pace by default because the sinuses are smaller passageways than the mouth.  The sinuses also clean and moisturize the air we breathe.  And we lose a lot less carbon dioxide when we breathe through the nose which is crucial for health and mental calm.  There is no way to consciously nose breath at night while sleeping, but a way to ensure breathing is correct around the clock is to tape the mouth at night.  It sounds and feels a bit strange at first, but it’s easy to get used to.  Just put a small strip of surgical tape across the lips before bed.

Second, breathe into the belly.  This ensures the breath goes all the way to the bottom of the lungs.  It’s a really simple mental cue.  And this will trigger the parasympathetic nervous system which is the rest and relax side of the autonomic nervous system.

For more info on breathing, do an internet search for Buteyko Breathing.  But you can just focus on these two simple breathing techniques and get great benefits.

Nutrition

Personally I’ve done really well lately on a very low carbohydrate diet.  I’ve come to believe that metabolic health is one of the keys to well being and success in life.  Some people can eat pretty much whatever they want and still feel and perform great.  I can’t.  So I make a point of eating what helps me get ahead on a  daily basis.  And that means low carb, high fat, and plenty of animal protein.  If I can be in a state of ketosis I seem to be at my best and compete with the people who are able to eat candy all day and stay sharp.

I will throw in my two cents against vegetarian and vegan diets for staying big, strong, and mentally robust.  Even though I truly do see the appeal.  I was vegetarian for five years and it wasn’t good for my health or well being.  No matter how many beans, nuts, and other vegetable-based calories and proteins I ate, I continued losing weight.  I dropped from over 200 lbs. to about 165 lbs. in a few years.  After I reintroduced meat to my diet I shot right back to 190 lbs.  Now I’m 210 lbs. in my skivvies and lean as well.  Everyone is different, but animal based foods provide certain nutrients like vitamin B12, zinc, and omega-3 fatty acids such as DHA and EPA that can’t be found in adequate amounts or bioavailability in vegetables.  Our brains thrive on DHA and EPA.

I still eat a ton of vegetables, but a good quality steak and grass fed butter make me feel strong like bull.  That’s because animal protein is superior to plant protein.

Not to beat this point to death, but whatever you eat, eat real food the vast majority of the time.  If it comes pre-packaged, you generally shouldn’t eat it.  If the ingredients list includes items you can’t pronounce or recognize, don’t eat it.  The main point is that eating the wrong food (for you) will hold you back.  So make nutrition a priority.  It’s an easy thing to control every day.

Drinking & Drugs

Have some fun from time to time.  Nothing wrong with it.  But being hungover on a consistent basis does not prepare a person to be their best when opportunity knocks.  And hungover doesn’t have to mean vomiting and raging headaches.  It can simply be lower energy, a bit of brain fog, and poor sleep from one or two drinks.  Being off even 10% from your potential every day will take some toll.  Just my opinion.

If you haven’t taken a couple of months to be completely sober in awhile, give it a try.  It creates a juxtaposition that makes it obvious how a couple of drinks a night isn’t completely neutral.  Even light consumption on a consistent basis has an impact.

If you like getting high, make that an occasional indulgence too.  It’s also a lot more fun and interesting if it isn’t a daily habit.  It too dulls the mind if it’s a daily crutch.  Be smart and prioritize optimal function over catching a buzz.

With regards to any other party favors, use common sense.  Most anything isn’t helpful when it isn’t occasional.  And some substances should obviously be avoided altogether.

Fitness

A strong body is a huge benefit to any endeavor in life.  And a strong body strengthens the mind.  As a friend of mine who is in real estate has always said, negotiations are always easier for him when he knows he got up and squatted that morning while the other guy didn’t.  It’s a slight mental edge, not just physical.

And when in the dating market, the benefits of fitness are pretty obvious.  I mention this because that’s been part of my life lately.

I’m biased, but I think people should focus on compound lifts like squats and deadlifts.  And high intensity interval training like wind sprints or other short, but intense bursts of exercise.  I’m speaking to the ladies as well as the guys.  The occasional long run, bike ride, or hike is great too, but I wouldn’t make them the foundation of any fitness regimen.  And I love a bit of asymmetrical body movement activity like rock climbing or playing games that require adapting to moving objects and moving forward, backward and sideways.

The Company We Keep

Spend time with people who challenge you. Spend time with people who inspire you and expose you to new ideas.  Spend time with people who support your vision even if they prefer to live differently.  Spend time with people who are better than you at certain things.  Spend time with people who don’t waste time frivolously and avoid people who do.

And learn to spend time alone.  This is ultimate power.  When you’re perfectly fine in your own company, you have found your center.  This helps provide clarity when deciding what it is you really want from life.

Media Consumption

This includes movies, shows, news, music, books, online content like blogs and social media, and any other source of information or entertainment.

Generally speaking, avoid TV shows with regular commercial breaks.  Or at least mute the commercials.  Advertising is meant to make you feel imperfect, lacking, and less than others.  Then the advertiser tries to sell you something to help fill the void and make life whole again.  It’s bullshit.  Don’t participate.  You are perfectly whole.

The same goes for any music, movies, or shows that leave you feeling anything but strong and confident.  If it makes you feel sad, pensive, depressed, insecure, etc., just turn it off.  You are on a mission to be ready to tackle life every day.  Anything that weakens the mind and mood is a contradiction to this mission and is completely unnecessary.

There are plenty of good websites, blogs, podcasts, and non-corporate news these days where the creators want to share strength with you and inspire you.  Search out the good stuff where you walk away feeling like you have the power to take life by the horns.  Or where you learned something truly worthwhile and applicable in your own path towards living the life you want.

I listen to a lot of instrumental music.  Where the beat gives me energy, makes me feel good, the musicianship (or even digital production) is really solid, and there aren’t any lyrics imposing some sort of meaning.  I really don’t want to hear about somebody else’s heartache.

When I read, I generally read something educational.  Good fiction can be educational, but mostly I stick to non-fiction.  And I take a spin through Barron’s on a weekly basis to look for investment ideas.

Also, don’t indulge in porn.  And for that matter, don’t waste time masturbating.  Just don’t.  These things weaken the mind, the body, and the will.  I know from experience, and cutting them out is incredibly powerful.  My focus improves, my enthusiasm improves, I’m far more productive, and I’m much more social.  And I don’t feel like a loser.

Style

I can also make a conscious decision to dress well whenever I’m out and about.  That doesn’t have to mean suit and tie. But clean clothes that fit well go a long way, even if it’s just jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers.  If I’m at the grocery store and get an inviting glance from a lovely lady, I don’t want to be in sweatpants and smell like BO.  Not that it always matters, but being put together increases self confidence and makes me feel like acting on those inviting glances.

Sleep

Last but not least, get plenty of sleep.  Unless there is good reason to stay up late, go to bed early.  That way you’re less likely to require an alarm to wake up which allows natural sleep patterns to run their course.

Personally, when I don’t get enough sleep, or sleep poorly, I almost feel hungover the next day.  My cognition and memory are subpar, and my mood is less positive.

Pretty simple, but hugely impactful.  I realize sleep isn’t totally controllable, but we can control what time we go to bed, how we wind down at the end of the night, avoiding screen time in the evening, our sleep environment, and even looking into supplements like magnesium to help out.

When Life Throws Hard Times At Us

Knowing which things we can consciously control isn’t just beneficial when we encounter good times in life.  It’s also useful when we have to deal with trials and tribulations.

We all experience losses of various sorts from time to time.  When I went through a divorce, my first inclination was to pick up a six pack after work every night.  But I knew that wasn’t going to help me move forward the way I wanted to.

So I decided to immerse myself in vigorous exercise and ensure I ate impeccably.  Two simple tactics.  I was pretty grumpy for quite some time, and it was miserable coming home to an empty house because I wasn’t used to it.  But I knew that if I lifted hard or did some interval training that I’d get a rush of endorphins and feel just a bit better.  And that little bit made all the difference.  Throw a healthy meal on top of that and instead of drinking myself into a middle age spare tire, I got stronger and leaner than ever before which gave me tons of confidence to go out and meet new girls.

Final Thoughts

Whether we’re on the lookout for creative ideas, career opportunities, relationships, or anything else that may or may not show up on a given day, it’s always good to keep oneself ready.  So identify the things you can control and go after them.  And in difficult times, having a list of daily actions to keep strong mentally and physically is an unbelievably effective tool for maintaining forward motion in life.  When we do small things daily, they accumulate and add up in a big way over time.

What else might you add to this list?

 

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Dealing With Perfectionist Tendencies

I Can Be a Perfectionist

I have perfectionist tendencies.  I expect a lot of myself.  And when I make mistakes or otherwise fail to live up to my own expectations it drives me crazy.

The other day my boss found some formula errors in a spreadsheet I had updated.  I know he understands these things happen and he didn’t address me negatively in any way.  He just asked if I could make some corrections because he was looking to use my file for some financial info he was compiling.  No big deal.

But my inner critic and ego went to work internally on my psyche which causes some stress and negative emotion.

To be honest, I don’t react in this scenario nearly as hard as I used to.  I’ve lived long enough to know that  these things happen and they pass.  As they say, no use crying over spilled milk.  What’s done is done.  Fix it and move on.

But I still have to watch my mind for a few hours to ensure it doesn’t spiral too far in the wrong direction.  After all, there are ramifications to negative thoughts.

Negative Reactions Can Lead to More Mistakes

From a practical standpoint, negative thoughts and being hard on oneself uses up precious energy in a foolish way and simply takes away from the mindset and energy necessary to do the best work possible.  That can result in more sloppiness and mistakes which creates a cycle.

From a more metaphysical standpoint, what you put out is what you get back.  Assuming thoughts manifest, why put self-defeating thoughts out into the ether?  Even if that’s nonsense, the more practical and logical reasons not to engage in negative self talk are compelling enough.  So just don’t go there.

Also, fear of mistakes holds us back from pushing and asserting ourselves.  It’s better to take some risks, put oneself on the line, and make mistakes along the way, than it is to stay in the zone of lukewarm cushiness just to avoid potential failures.

Mistakes are part of learning and evolving, and often teach us more than successes.  Embrace that part of the process.

How To Deal With a Mistake

If you screw something up and feel the onslaught of the ego coming, trying to tell you that you don’t measure up, there are ways to handle it consctuctively.

First, step back from your thoughts.  Watch them as if you are watching somebody else’s thoughts.  When you simply observe your thought processes in action from a detached standpoint, you’ll see that they are patterns of learned behavior and aren’t truly real.  If you can master this practice you’ll notice that thoughts have less impact on your mood and they fade away more quickly.

It’s also helpful to think about other times when something similar happened.  That reference point is a reminder that last time this happened, it passed and you eventually forgot about it.

And finally…

Remember That Everyone Makes Mistakes

In a turn of fortune, I discovered some mistakes in my boss’s spreadsheet a couple of days later.  It really put me at ease to be reminded that everyone makes mistakes.  We’re human.  It’s simply part of the human condition to inevitably make some mistakes.  Nothing can be done about that.  Through thoughtfulness, diligence, and putting checks in place, we can minimize the number of things that go awry.  And that’s something worth shooting for.  But getting stressed and ruining days over something that’s just going to happen from time to time makes no sense.

So stop beating yourself up, keep an objective eye on your thoughts, know it will all pass in time, and maybe even laugh at yourself.  It’s going to be okay.

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Unnecessary to Prepare for The Worst Mentally

Why It’s Unnecessary to Prepare The Mind for The Worst

It has been said that we should hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  But is this advice really useful?  Anyone who has been alive on this planet for an appreciable amount of time knows that things don’t always turn out as planned.  And perhaps it’s prudent to have a backup plan in certain scenarios where not having one could result in a true catastrophe or injury of some sort.  But constantly considering all that might go wrong in a given situation just to prevent a let down or disappointment is counter-productive.  It’s unnecessary to prepare for the worst mentally.

Despite my own share of synchronicity in life, I don’t necessarily believe in manifestation as some sort of magical occurrence so much as a mindset that is more likely to result in positive action towards creating the results I want.  I’m not content to sit back, imagine what I want, and wait for things to happen for me.  Because it has also been said that fortune favors the bold, and on some level synchronicity happens more frequently from taking action more often.

And since I believe in taking action, I also believe in taking steps towards making the best happen, not just hoping for it to happen.  And I certainly don’t see any point in preparing for the worst.  Especially mentally.  Again, it’s always good to have a spare tire in the trunk, but why waste energy thinking about popping a flat while flying down the highway?  We’ll react accordingly if that happens whether we’ve thought about it or not.  The intelligence of the body and nervous system act more quickly than the mind in an emergency anyhow.  And not thinking about it saves pointless stress.  Negative thoughts also come across in our body language and the way we present ourselves.  That can potentially sabotage our outcomes and efforts, especially when dealing with other humans who pick up on these things.

Positive and productive action happens seamlessly when approached from a positive and confident mindset.  Imagining all that could go wrong is self-defeating and creates doubt.  Doubt drains energy.  Thoughts about great results build energy and excitement.  Worry destroys a productive mindset and the focus necessary to accomplish great things.  Excitement creates a mindset of accomplishment and success.  Choose thoughts of victory.  Crush thoughts of defeat.  Or even better, see them for what they are, acknowledge they aren’t real, and let them fade away.  Realize that mindset is a choice, and place emphasis on the right thoughts.  There is no excuse to wallow in anything negative.

And let’s just say thoughts really do manifest magically.  Having any thoughts about the worst…is the worst way for a person to spend their mental energy.  And what a ridiculous way to bring about poor results.

If the worst does ultimately happen, so be it.  That’s life.  Move on to the next thing and continue to only think about the best.  That’s all for now.

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Frustration – A Self Fulfilling Emotion

The Problem

Every now and then I catch myself observing my own life objectively, as if from the outside, and gaining a useful insight into my state of being.  I had one of those moments the other day related to feelings of frustration.  It occurred to me that frustration has been a consistent companion of mine for many years now.

Life is a combination of circumstances we control directly, and circumstances beyond our control.  Together they determine our current lot in life.  And even though everyone is subject to circumstances beyond their own control at times, we still have the ability to be in control of our reactions to all circumstances.  Whether we cause them ourselves or not.

That said, sometimes certain reactions become so common in our day to day existence that we start failing to notice them because their steady presence means there isn’t a lot of juxtaposition to help highlight them.  Frustration has been one such reaction in my life.

I’ve felt frustrated about a number of things in recent years.  In particular, I feel stuck in my job and career, and I get frustrated that the perfect idea to escape it hasn’t come easily.  And then I get frustrated that feeling stuck in my career seems to creep into other areas of my life, giving me additional feelings of stagnation.  It starts to trigger a cycle of feeling unable to make life happen as I want it to, which only makes me more and more frustrated.

But frustration does absolutely nothing to move me forward.  Not a damn thing.  Sometimes anger or other negative emotions can provoke action to finally tackle a problem.  And I suppose frustration can have that type of effect sometimes.  But for me I’ve seen how it can result in self sabotage and robs me of the energy I could otherwise use to move forward.  It often results in clouded judgement and hasty decisions on my part.  The action it inspires is often not that well thought through which can have a tendency to backfire and cause outcomes that were the opposite of those intended.  For instance, wasted time pursuing a career idea or alternate path that I later realize isn’t the correct path.  It’s an extremely low vibration state of being.

Low vibration may sound a bit woo woo, but all I really mean is a state where negative thoughts snowball, energy wanes, the outside world is perceived through a lens of irritability, and clear, constructive motivation becomes harder to find and tap into.  It’s the opposite of flow state.  And it’s a worthless way to spend time because it causes more frustration which makes it more difficult to find the motivation to take the steps to move into a more productive state of mind and being.

Hence, frustration can be a self fulfilling emotion.  Especially when it becomes routine and unnoticed, allowing it to run rampant.  It creates it’s own existence by the mental cycle it perpetuates.

The Solution

But I noticed the frustration at work the other day, and I’m now going to discontinue it’s influence in my life.  Here is my plan to disrupt it and regain the energy it consumes so I can make bolder and more intelligent moves towards a path that will be far less frustrating to begin with, and to rebuild my reserves of creative energy to inspire more ideas:

-I’ve left myself a daily recurring reminder on my phone to be conscious of frustration and watch for it.

-When I notice it I will let it go.  It won’t be hard to let it go because I will remind myself that by letting it go I will conserve my energy.

-I’ve found that if I imagine energy flowing downward through my body and carrying the frustration out through my feet, it helps me shed the feeling more quickly and easily.

-And even if the act of letting frustration go requires me to just relax and do something mindless and distracting in lieu of trying to forge ahead, that will still be a better use of my time than wallowing in frustration and potentially self sabotaging behavior.

My thesis is that by stopping frustration in its tracks and not indulging it, my energy levels will rise, my creativity will increase, and I will make greater strides towards self sufficiency and flexibility in my day to day life.  I plan to report back on this experiment.  If anyone out there has tried similar experiments, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

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How To Maintain a Productive Mindset

It’s not unusual to hit spells where I lose the momentum and desire to be productive. The ideas don’t flow, I feel less enthusiastic and inspired, and my mind is a bit slower than usual for whatever reason. And it’s easy to slip into a depressed state of mind as a result, even feeling a bit worthless, because I just don’t feel like myself. At these times I can fall back into old habits, thinking about using substances to dull the nagging depression, aimlessly surfing on the internet, etc.

But I know where that would lead. That would just dig an even deeper hole. And that is the last place I want to find myself.  I never want to wake up feeling worse than the day before because I used the wrong tactics to deal with a lackluster yesterday.

So I do one of a few things (or all of them). And this is where having some goals and passions comes in very handy. I generally either look to physical training or my creative pursuits.

First, the training option.  I prescribe to the notion espoused by Mark Rippetoe that training is based around a plan to improve in some specific way with a well thought out approach that moves one incrementally towards their goal. And exercise is something that is done for the way it makes a person feel that day. However, despite a focus on training over simple exercise, I think training is a means to both ends.  It is a step in a process, but it also leaves me feeling really good.

I’m currently in the middle of a Texas Method training program to continue improving my squat, deadlift, press and bench press strength. And every time I complete a training session and add a few pounds to my lifts, I experience the positive mentality and dopamine boost of attaining a new level of physical strength and ability. I also feel a release of pent up frustration and negative energy, and that gets replaced with fresh, constructive energy. And honestly, it makes me feel happy.

I might also look to music and writing to trigger a feeling of forward movement. I’ve set goals to both get back to playing live music, and share positive life experiences and thoughts through this blog. If either becomes a way to make money, that’s great. But most importantly, when I work on either I get a feeling of satisfaction. I don’t have to spend all day on these pursuits to feel fulfilled either. If I’m having a sub-par day where my sense of focus is lacking and I feel my usual self confidence waning, I can work on music or writing for an hour and feel uplifted by it.

Maybe I set a goal to learn a new technique, scale, or song on the guitar. If I can spend an hour and know that I gained a new skill or new knowledge, then I feel genuinely good. Or if I decide to write the outline for an article that I’ll finish another time, I feel like I did something productive even if it wasn’t a huge undertaking. And I feel better than when I started.  That little bit of momentum and positive forward motion reinforces an urge to be productive in other ways as well.

Even if I’m lower energy and not feeling like doing a lot, if I’ve done some training and physical exertion and/or worked on my passions and have chipped away at a goal or improved my skill set in some way, then I’ll be more likely to make productive choices in my relaxation afterwards. I’ll avoid using substances to feel better because I already feel good. I might read a book instead of looking at social media. Perhaps I’ll cook good fresh food instead of grabbing something out. Or maybe I’ll catch up with an old friend instead of lounging on the couch and watching Netlix.

As a slight side note, I’ll also add that as a divorced bachelor I’m sometimes lonely. Instead of wallowing in it, I’ll go out into public and talk to people. Most notably I’ll chat up some pretty young ladies and ask them out. Even if I don’t get any phone numbers or solid connections, I still feel a whole lot better for having made the effort. Social skills require a bit of momentum as well. And sustained momentum helps me feel more confident that I can go out again the next day and try again with some new girls. After all, that persistence is what it takes.

Some days, we’re going to naturally be less productive than others, but we can always do some simple things to maintain our state of mind and avoid falling into a rut that saps our happiness and energy. Action begets action, so when in doubt, just set a small goal that will contribute to your larger goals, get up and do it, and you’ll feel much happier and more fulfilled when you finish.