Focus On The Things Within Your Control

Some Things Are Entirely In Our Control, Some Aren’t

Life has been reminding me lately that certain things are in our control, and others aren’t.  Every success, whether personal or business, is generally a combination of opportunity presenting itself and being prepared to seize the opportunity when it arrives.  This is why it’s really important to stay ready and focus on the things within your control.

We often can’t force the right opportunities and encounters to show up in our lives.  We can increase the odds through our actions and our thoughts, but the reality is that certain things won’t happen right when we want them to happen.

Yet we can make daily conscious decisions to take specific actions that keep us prepared for anything life offers up.  Everything from working on our mindset, to diet, and even the way we breathe will contribute to success in some way.  These are just a few of a long list of items that are always within our conscious control.

So that is where one’s focus should lie.  Doing everything to be ready for the things that aren’t entirely in our control, while always being alert and ready for the unexpected.

And when life dishes out hard times, these same decisions and actions can be a source of strength.  Tragedy and loss can’t be reversed, but just because life feels out of control doesn’t mean we can’t build ourselves up anyway.  The things we can control directly will help when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other after we get knocked sideways.  They are a target to aim at daily so we don’t lose our way.  And they ensure one comes out the other side strong and healthy instead of turning to destructive ways of coping with physical or emotional pain.

Patience Is The Foundation

First and foremost, aim to cultivate patience.  We can set our intentions for what we’d like in our lives, but it’s very powerful to develop a deep sense of patience while we live without the things we’d like to accomplish or attain.  Letting go of outcomes if very powerful.  This isn’t the same as complacence.  It means enjoying the daily work and the journey without expectation.  With this approach, frustration is less likely to creep in.  And this is important because getting to the finish line is often just a matter of staying the course.

It is when we feel and experience a deep sense of lack, or being without, that negative feelings like doubt and jealousy creep in and derail us.  Patience is the antidote.  To be able to simply be okay without the things we’d prefer to have.  Seems pretty obvious, right?  Well it’s easier said than done, and very easy to lose sight of.  So this is a reminder to myself as much as anything.

And it’s the foundation for redirecting focus to the things we can influence directly every day.

The Things We Can Control

Once a sense of patience has been accomplished, focus can shift to the things we are able to control directly.  The things that prepare us for opportunities that surface.  Here are a few to keep in mind.

Mindset

Mindset certainly encompasses patience, but there is more to it than that.  It means having the strength to turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts.  The term for this is re-framing.  Re-framing is a very powerful skill.

Any situation can be seen in far more ways than one.  Failure and criticism can be seen in a negative light.  As some indication that we aren’t capable.  On the other hand, they can be seen as a kick in the ass to grow and discover the things we can work on to become more capable and skilled.  Aim to turn every situation positive in the mind, no matter what.  Even life’s hardest moments have a bright side.  This will result in a fundamental shift that promotes forward motion and improvement.  Some might think it’s a bad idea to be overly optimistic because it can lead to disappointment.  I call bullshit.  An optimistic mindset combined with patience is powerful.

One technique I learned from reading Eckhart Tolle is to watch our own thoughts as if from a third party point of view.  Don’t judge negative thoughts.  Just detach from them and see them for what they are.  See that they are learned patterns.  See that they aren’t necessarily reality.  And in time any tendency to generate negative, self defeating thoughts will slowly start to fade away.

Breathing

Human beings are meant to breathe deeply, slowly, and steadily.  But constant distraction and stress can result in breath that is shallow and quick.  It is far easier to become anxious, irritable, and distracted when breathing patterns are incorrect.

There are many schools of breathing practice, but I’ve found two things to focus on that have made all the difference for me and keep things simple and easy to stick with.

First, breathe through the nose only.  Mouth breathing is for slobs.  Quiet nose breathing results in a nice slow breathing pace by default because the sinuses are smaller passageways than the mouth.  The sinuses also clean and moisturize the air we breathe.  And we lose a lot less carbon dioxide when we breathe through the nose which is crucial for health and mental calm.  There is no way to consciously nose breath at night while sleeping, but a way to ensure breathing is correct around the clock is to tape the mouth at night.  It sounds and feels a bit strange at first, but it’s easy to get used to.  Just put a small strip of surgical tape across the lips before bed.

Second, breathe into the belly.  This ensures the breath goes all the way to the bottom of the lungs.  It’s a really simple mental cue.  And this will trigger the parasympathetic nervous system which is the rest and relax side of the autonomic nervous system.

For more info on breathing, do an internet search for Buteyko Breathing.  But you can just focus on these two simple breathing techniques and get great benefits.

Nutrition

Personally I’ve done really well lately on a very low carbohydrate diet.  I’ve come to believe that metabolic health is one of the keys to well being and success in life.  Some people can eat pretty much whatever they want and still feel and perform great.  I can’t.  So I make a point of eating what helps me get ahead on a  daily basis.  And that means low carb, high fat, and plenty of animal protein.  If I can be in a state of ketosis I seem to be at my best and compete with the people who are able to eat candy all day and stay sharp.

I will throw in my two cents against vegetarian and vegan diets for staying big, strong, and mentally robust.  Even though I truly do see the appeal.  I was vegetarian for five years and it wasn’t good for my health or well being.  No matter how many beans, nuts, and other vegetable-based calories and proteins I ate, I continued losing weight.  I dropped from over 200 lbs. to about 165 lbs. in a few years.  After I reintroduced meat to my diet I shot right back to 190 lbs.  Now I’m 210 lbs. in my skivvies and lean as well.  Everyone is different, but animal based foods provide certain nutrients like vitamin B12, zinc, and omega-3 fatty acids such as DHA and EPA that can’t be found in adequate amounts or bioavailability in vegetables.  Our brains thrive on DHA and EPA.

I still eat a ton of vegetables, but a good quality steak and grass fed butter make me feel strong like bull.  That’s because animal protein is superior to plant protein.

Not to beat this point to death, but whatever you eat, eat real food the vast majority of the time.  If it comes pre-packaged, you generally shouldn’t eat it.  If the ingredients list includes items you can’t pronounce or recognize, don’t eat it.  The main point is that eating the wrong food (for you) will hold you back.  So make nutrition a priority.  It’s an easy thing to control every day.

Drinking & Drugs

Have some fun from time to time.  Nothing wrong with it.  But being hungover on a consistent basis does not prepare a person to be their best when opportunity knocks.  And hungover doesn’t have to mean vomiting and raging headaches.  It can simply be lower energy, a bit of brain fog, and poor sleep from one or two drinks.  Being off even 10% from your potential every day will take some toll.  Just my opinion.

If you haven’t taken a couple of months to be completely sober in awhile, give it a try.  It creates a juxtaposition that makes it obvious how a couple of drinks a night isn’t completely neutral.  Even light consumption on a consistent basis has an impact.

If you like getting high, make that an occasional indulgence too.  It’s also a lot more fun and interesting if it isn’t a daily habit.  It too dulls the mind if it’s a daily crutch.  Be smart and prioritize optimal function over catching a buzz.

With regards to any other party favors, use common sense.  Most anything isn’t helpful when it isn’t occasional.  And some substances should obviously be avoided altogether.

Fitness

A strong body is a huge benefit to any endeavor in life.  And a strong body strengthens the mind.  As a friend of mine who is in real estate has always said, negotiations are always easier for him when he knows he got up and squatted that morning while the other guy didn’t.  It’s a slight mental edge, not just physical.

And when in the dating market, the benefits of fitness are pretty obvious.  I mention this because that’s been part of my life lately.

I’m biased, but I think people should focus on compound lifts like squats and deadlifts.  And high intensity interval training like wind sprints or other short, but intense bursts of exercise.  I’m speaking to the ladies as well as the guys.  The occasional long run, bike ride, or hike is great too, but I wouldn’t make them the foundation of any fitness regimen.  And I love a bit of asymmetrical body movement activity like rock climbing or playing games that require adapting to moving objects and moving forward, backward and sideways.

The Company We Keep

Spend time with people who challenge you. Spend time with people who inspire you and expose you to new ideas.  Spend time with people who support your vision even if they prefer to live differently.  Spend time with people who are better than you at certain things.  Spend time with people who don’t waste time frivolously and avoid people who do.

And learn to spend time alone.  This is ultimate power.  When you’re perfectly fine in your own company, you have found your center.  This helps provide clarity when deciding what it is you really want from life.

Media Consumption

This includes movies, shows, news, music, books, online content like blogs and social media, and any other source of information or entertainment.

Generally speaking, avoid TV shows with regular commercial breaks.  Or at least mute the commercials.  Advertising is meant to make you feel imperfect, lacking, and less than others.  Then the advertiser tries to sell you something to help fill the void and make life whole again.  It’s bullshit.  Don’t participate.  You are perfectly whole.

The same goes for any music, movies, or shows that leave you feeling anything but strong and confident.  If it makes you feel sad, pensive, depressed, insecure, etc., just turn it off.  You are on a mission to be ready to tackle life every day.  Anything that weakens the mind and mood is a contradiction to this mission and is completely unnecessary.

There are plenty of good websites, blogs, podcasts, and non-corporate news these days where the creators want to share strength with you and inspire you.  Search out the good stuff where you walk away feeling like you have the power to take life by the horns.  Or where you learned something truly worthwhile and applicable in your own path towards living the life you want.

I listen to a lot of instrumental music.  Where the beat gives me energy, makes me feel good, the musicianship (or even digital production) is really solid, and there aren’t any lyrics imposing some sort of meaning.  I really don’t want to hear about somebody else’s heartache.

When I read, I generally read something educational.  Good fiction can be educational, but mostly I stick to non-fiction.  And I take a spin through Barron’s on a weekly basis to look for investment ideas.

Also, don’t indulge in porn.  And for that matter, don’t waste time masturbating.  Just don’t.  These things weaken the mind, the body, and the will.  I know from experience, and cutting them out is incredibly powerful.  My focus improves, my enthusiasm improves, I’m far more productive, and I’m much more social.  And I don’t feel like a loser.

Style

I can also make a conscious decision to dress well whenever I’m out and about.  That doesn’t have to mean suit and tie. But clean clothes that fit well go a long way, even if it’s just jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers.  If I’m at the grocery store and get an inviting glance from a lovely lady, I don’t want to be in sweatpants and smell like BO.  Not that it always matters, but being put together increases self confidence and makes me feel like acting on those inviting glances.

Sleep

Last but not least, get plenty of sleep.  Unless there is good reason to stay up late, go to bed early.  That way you’re less likely to require an alarm to wake up which allows natural sleep patterns to run their course.

Personally, when I don’t get enough sleep, or sleep poorly, I almost feel hungover the next day.  My cognition and memory are subpar, and my mood is less positive.

Pretty simple, but hugely impactful.  I realize sleep isn’t totally controllable, but we can control what time we go to bed, how we wind down at the end of the night, avoiding screen time in the evening, our sleep environment, and even looking into supplements like magnesium to help out.

When Life Throws Hard Times At Us

Knowing which things we can consciously control isn’t just beneficial when we encounter good times in life.  It’s also useful when we have to deal with trials and tribulations.

We all experience losses of various sorts from time to time.  When I went through a divorce, my first inclination was to pick up a six pack after work every night.  But I knew that wasn’t going to help me move forward the way I wanted to.

So I decided to immerse myself in vigorous exercise and ensure I ate impeccably.  Two simple tactics.  I was pretty grumpy for quite some time, and it was miserable coming home to an empty house because I wasn’t used to it.  But I knew that if I lifted hard or did some interval training that I’d get a rush of endorphins and feel just a bit better.  And that little bit made all the difference.  Throw a healthy meal on top of that and instead of drinking myself into a middle age spare tire, I got stronger and leaner than ever before which gave me tons of confidence to go out and meet new girls.

Final Thoughts

Whether we’re on the lookout for creative ideas, career opportunities, relationships, or anything else that may or may not show up on a given day, it’s always good to keep oneself ready.  So identify the things you can control and go after them.  And in difficult times, having a list of daily actions to keep strong mentally and physically is an unbelievably effective tool for maintaining forward motion in life.  When we do small things daily, they accumulate and add up in a big way over time.

What else might you add to this list?